With more and more deaths reported every week and the hygienic supply shelves ravaged clean at your local Walmart, coronavirus has sent the world into panic. As the mysterious illness continues to spread, schools and employers are encouraging their attendees to stay home until more is known.
At this rate, it’s just as easy to imagine this is nothing scarier than the flu as it is to imagine that this is the 21st century black plague here to strike us all down, but at least that makes it really easy to keep ordering Postmates and staying inside.
Whether you’ve already been quarantined or you’re praying to be sent home indefinitely, there is one thing that is for certain: that daring, athletic, inventive, slightly questionable sex position you’ve been itching to try? Now is your chance. PIV, PIB, and P-void friendly:
Reverse Coronagirl
Much like the highly regarded Reverse Cowgirl, you or your partner will get on top faced backwards--you know, so you don’t have to stare at their medical mask throughout the escapade.
The Flatiron
Lie facedown with your legs straight and hips raised slightly; have your partner lie on top of you for the thrust. This position creates a tight fit, allowing your partner’s package (or strappage) to feel much larger--go out with a bang.
Coronagirl’s Helper
Quite similar to the Reverse Coronagirl, except the partner lying down will bend their knees, which supports the weight of the ass that’s riding you through quarantine.
The Gurney
For the penises (anatomical or silicone) that have something to PROVE, even in a health crisis: have your partner get on hands and knees, and then pick up their pelvis and wrap their thighs around your waist.
The Magic Vaccine
It might not cure coronavirus, but it’ll definitely cure your blue balls. Sit down with your feet planted on the ground and lean back on your hands, then inch closer to your partner until collision.
Cum As You Are
The equal parts pleasurable and competitive act of co-masturbating is a hit for anyone horny and isolated--especially if your partner hasn’t washed their hands enough that day.
COVID-69
And everyone’s happy--except the scientists still working on a vaccine.
Back That Virus Up
Time to trade in flu shots for back shots.
The Face Mask
Except instead of surgeon-approved products, it’s just you. Sitting on someone’s face. Until the end of time.
Kinky COVID
Get on all fours and have your partner straddle your hips from behind: the possibilities for infection are slim, but the possibilities for penetration are endless.